While “Thank You” is quite possibly my favorite phrase

I have problems with grateful and thankful. I Googled grateful vs. thankful and my head near exploded. The only citation that I could understand was from the Cambridge dictionary – full explanation here.  Short version: “We use grateful to talk about how we feel when someone is kind to us or does us a favour.  We usually use thankful when we are relieved that something unpleasant or dangerous didn’t happen.”

People are invariably kind to me, or at least that is my perception, so perhaps I live in a, mostly, state of gratitude. Yet gratitude still has a feeling of being less than to me; a feeling of being a supplicant.  Which kind of brings me to the word worship, which sets my teeth on edge because somewhere in there I hear, and see, the word and action – kneel.

Kneeling to me is an act of deference (definition: humble submission and respect) and that is just the most debasing and degrading thing a person can be forced to do.  Kneeling in deference, humble submission and respect – I was forced into that – I still remember it with anger and disgust. For myself and the person who demanded it.

Then again, worship is associated with a deity, and I don’t believe in deities.  I do believe in a Universal Intelligence, which is not a single entity but a multitude – hardly something that could be called a someone and worshipped.

I don’t know where this is going, actually I think I am done. I know I had a point/idea when I started but, you know me, I start to write and off I go – researching as I go along, that research making me think twice, or thrice, and…where I end is not the place I was aiming for when I started. But, it’s always an interesting journey for me. Thanks for coming along.



I’m antsy and edgy

and I’d like to smack somebody – no one in particular – just anyone at all – to get rid of this itchy feeling. Not itchy as in scratchy itchy as in prickly, like cactus.

Tuesday was a stupid day filled with stupid frustrations, and I don’t know why that’s still on my mind.

I need everyone to go back to work because they are hogging all the bandwidth. This is an old building and was retrofitted with cable and every time I complain Comcast says, and rightly so, “It’s the wiring in your building.”  A couple of years ago Verizon put their fiber optics crap in the building but their reputation for service is worse than Comcast’s around here. Plus the Verizon box with all the connections is in the trash room and the box is unlocked and all the connection wires are just hanging down. A really mean person could disconnect everyone on this floor by just pulling the wires out. I’m not that kind of person, but you know, just sayin’

Are there big bad things going on in the world? You betcha’.  All laid at the door of the stupidity of human beings. Were human beings to be eradicated from the Universe, it would be a very good thing.

And my kitchen smells yummy already

A couple of weeks ago I scored some beef short ribs at the little market – half the price of the chain grocery stores I might add. And that just put me in mind to make some gravy – tomato/spaghetti sauce to you non-Italians – to put with cavatelli and ricotta. I don’t make my own cavatelli, I buy it frozen. What you do is plop a nice big spoon full of ricotta in your dish, add the cooked cavatelli, then a healthy spoon full of gravy plus grated romano – mix that all up and mangia! The beef ribs will have cooked themselves bone clean so you’re going to have big shreds of beef in there too. OMG – so good!

I noticed something odd when I opened a new bottle of wine (for the gravy, not to drink. I don’t drink alcoholic beverages but I do use wine to cook with.) I buy an inexpensive brand called Barefoot.  It’s good enough to cook with but I wouldn’t drink it by the glass. I buy the smallest bottles because those are the ones that will fit in the door of the fridge. My fridge is small and basic, I used to have a big fancy one that came with the condo but it was a PITA because a) it took up a lot of precious space in my small kitchen and b) I never had enough food to fill it even halfway and things were always freezing in the fridge part even tho I kept the temperature at the lowest recommended setting. Fridges work best when they are full. Anyway – the Barefoot white wine I buy – Pinot Grigio – comes with a screw top, the red wine I buy comes with a cork. Why? Doesn’t white wine rate a cork?

Back in the beginning of March I made some changes to my living schedule which involved when, and what I eat. The main, or big meal of the day is now consumed around Noon-ish rather than 7pm. Sometimes there is no ‘big meal of the day’ and my husband has to content himself with sandwiches and whatever else he can scare up. Which means I am cooking (and we all know how much I hate to cook) in the morning! In.The.Morning. We all know I don’t do mornings – yet it seems to be working out.

This cavetelli meal will be eaten tomorrow, which is why I am making the gravy this afternoon.  Yesterday I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes, eaten about 12:30 and today, for lunch aka main meal we had leftover meatloaf and spinach. See the thing is – eating your main meal in the middle of the day is really better for your digestion and all that happy horse manure. But also it means, that once I clean up the kitchen after lunch I’m done for the day! It means I pretty much have the afternoon and evening to do whatever I want uninterrupted – afternoon and evenings is when I am most alert, so this new schedule should be allowing me to be more productive with things I actually WANT to do. It hasn’t quite worked out that way – yet.

Oh my gosh I just went into the kitchen to stir the gravy and it smells so good after only an hour – it will be at least another 2 hours before I can dip some bread in – just to taste – and then another hour after that for it to be done. I know – like 4 hours for this to reach it’s ultimate thick and rich yumminess. Oh I cannot wait for lunch tomorrow!

Champing at the bit or

chomping at the bit? Grammar Girl will fill you on on which is correct.

Anywaay – I got a notice last night that a book I’ve had on hold for 4 months, yes, that’s right, 4 – count ’em 4 – months finally became available. I didn’t want to start it last night because that would have meant that I would be up all night reading.

This morning was a laundry morning, so I was up at the crack of dawn to get first crack at the community laundry room and then I had an opthamologist appointment at 1pm. I’m home now but still refraining from diving into my book because it will be hours before the dilation wears off. Right now the world is still all bright and beautiful and fuzzy.

Once I dive into that book I will not be coming up for air until I’ve finished it – so maybe after dinner. Which book is it, you ask? Why, “Olive, Again” by Elizabeth Strout.  Hands down, I do believe Elizabeth Strout is my favorite novelist of all time. I have all her books, and I dip into them from time to time just to soothe my soul.

“My Name is Lucy Barton” is far and away my favorite book of hers, I can’t recall exactly how many times I’ve read it or how many bits and pieces I have copied out (I could go into my quotes folder and count them if you really must know…)

Anyway, anyway – I can barely see the screen so I’m gonna sign off – I have no idea how many errors there must be in this short post and when I can actually see normally I’ll come back and fix them – I think I need to just lie down now in a darkened room for a bit.

What a gorgeous day!

I just got an email from ancestry.com that I had new dna matches and when I clicked on my account I found that I had 2 messages from my niece – turns out that my female dna contributor died 2 weeks ago! My first and only reaction is –

You may think that is cruel and insensitive but then, so was she!